Are you pursuing your purpose or running away from it? I used to tell myself that I was pursuing my purpose. I felt sure of it. I also told myself that I could not pursue my purpose without depending on things (9-5, no-good ex, no-good friends) that kept me stressed out, depressed and feeling as if the very purpose that I was supposedly pursuing was impossible to achieve. I was left stuck in a repetitive cycle of simply surviving day-after-day and believed that I would remain stuck in it for the rest of my life. I was miserable inside my own head with the thoughts of living this way until I was too old to change it, but at the time, I didn’t exactly know a way out of it. I would work all day and go home too tired to do more than make a feeble attempt at working on what I felt was my purpose. My purpose had been reduced to a side gig, then to a side hustle and was quickly reaching odd job status. I was simply going through the motions but had honestly nearly given up on ever actually realizing anything close to what I felt was my purpose.
But, the strange thing was that, although I had nearly given up on it, my purpose hadn’t even thought about giving up on me. At night, in my dreams, during moments of mindless daydreaming and while I was driving it showed up. During just about every action where I let my guard down and allowed my spirit to simply create without the interjection of my negative thoughts, my purpose showed up. It presented itself as flashes of what could be, actions that should be taken or a little voice urging me not to give up. Sometimes I’d listen to it and other times I wouldn’t but, it was pursuing me and I was terrified of it.
Looking back, I can see how my purpose, would try desperately to remove things that should not have been in my life and I see how I would fight tooth and nail to keep them. Now, I can see how it tried to put me on the right path towards it by keeping certain things from me that would have distracted me further. But, instead of being grateful, understanding and attentive, I would still allow my own self-pity over what I felt had been lost, taken or denied to distract me and pull me off course. I was still running away from my purpose. I now see that I was honestly too terrified to truly chase it. I was afraid that if I pursued what was in my heart, I’d fail and be I’d be broke and broken and so, it was easier to work to help someone else build their dreams than it was to build my own.
Purpose… guided by a power that is omnipotent, omnipresent and so much bigger than our thoughts or the minuscule things that we allow to distract us… pursues us even when we have lost the faith to pursue it. The good news is that once we discover that we are being pursued, we can choose to stop running. We can also choose to stop pursuing, but not because we are giving up, but rather because we begin to just allow our purpose to be. When we are honest with ourselves about what we want and about our unhappiness about how things are, we can begin to truly be ourselves. When you are who you’re meant to be, your purpose will instinctively find you because you were always meant to be one with it. So, I ask you again, are you pursuing your purpose or is it pursuing you?