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5 ways to love someone who is acting unlovable | Dave Willis

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“We all can be hard to love sometimes, but I’ve found that people usually need love the most in those moments when they “deserve” love the least. This true story below changed my life and my thinking about love and I believe it could do the same for you.

My Aunt Laurie is one of the most lovable people you’ll ever meet. She has a contagious joy and her laughter fills the room from the moment she walks in the door. Even now, as I’m writing these words and thinking about her, I’m smiling. To know her is to love her, but she wasn’t always so lovable. In fact, there was a very dark time in her life when she was unrecognizable from the warm and joyful person she is today…”

-Dave Willis


Read the full article at the original Source: 5 ways to love someone who is acting unlovable

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11 Foolproof Ways to (Nicely) End a Conversation | Inc.com

“You’ve just had a really interesting conversation with a potential colleague, friend, or customer. Or maybe you’ve had a chat that was a tedious waste of your time. Either way, the conversation is done and you would like to move on — but you don’t want to seem rude or uninterested. What do you do?It is possible to terminate a conversation gracefully, says Morag Barrett, an HR consultant, leadership coach and author of Cultivate: The Power of Winning Relationships. Yesterday, I shared Barrett’s tips for starting a networking conversation. Here are her tips for ending one politely:”


Co-author, ‘The Geek Gap’

Read the Full Article at the Original Source: 11 Foolproof Ways to (Nicely) End a Conversation | Inc.com

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6 Foolproof Ways to Start a Networking Conversation With Absolutely Anyone | Inc.com

“You’re at a conference, a cocktail party, or even an airport departure area. You see someone across the room who could be a potential employer, customer, mentor, connection to other opportunities, or source of valuable information. You need to find a way to talk to whomever it is. What do you do? Starting a conversation from scratch is never easy, but it can be done, according to Morag Barrett, an HR consultant, leadership coach, and the author of Cultivate: The Power of Winning Relationships. “Relationships are built one conversation at a time,” she says. “You can’t afford to be a wallflower. Take a deep breath. Your success depends on your ability to start the conversation.”Once you’ve taken that deep breath, what do you say? Here are some of Barrett’s guaranteed openers to get you talking with anyone you want:”

BY MINDA ZETLIN Co-author, ‘The Geek Gap’

Read the Full Article at the Original Source: 6 Foolproof Ways to Start a Networking Conversation With Absolutely Anyone | Inc.com

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How to Get Past a Betrayal Using One Simple Question

sad womanA good friend of mine is going through a tough time concerning the girl he loves. They were best friends for a year before he decided to tell her that he wanted to be in a real relationship with her. Then she dropped a bomb on his heart: not only was she bisexual (which she had never shared with him), but she also had a girlfriend and had been with her for the majority of her friendship with him.

My friend was devastated, hurt, and angry for two major reasons: First, after he had shared so many personal things with her, she hadn’t trusted him with a huge part of her life: her sexuality. He had other gay friends, so it wasn’t like he wouldn’t have supported her. Why had she kept this secret from him? She was supposed to be his closest friend. And second, why had she never told him about her girlfriend? They had done some physical things together—not sex yet, but enough to qualify as cheating for sure. Her girlfriend didn’t know about him, either, his friend confessed. She also said that she didn’t know what to do—she loved her girlfriend and didn’t plan on breaking up with her, but in a way she loved him, too.

After he finished telling me the whole story, he said that he’s still trying to be her friend and hang out with her, but she sends him mixed signals. She basically acts the same as she did before: she’s still touchy-feely with him, she acts like she wants to be more than his friend, etc. Yet now she flaunts her girlfriend in front of him. My friend goes through periods of intense anger and intense sadness. He wishes he could just erase the fact that he ever met this girl.

I hated to see my friend so torn up. He’s like a younger brother to me. I don’t claim to be any good at giving relationship advice, but I’ve been through enough to feel like I’ve learned something essential in getting over a betrayal.

I told him that he needs to ask himself this question: What will it take to make this right for me? His answer was that finding a way to forgive her and move on was what he felt would make the situation right for him. Once he figured out a way to do that, he would be ready to let the situation go. Answering that one question gave him the information he needed to get to where he wanted to be, which was out of that situation.

About a week later, he came back and told me that he’d done what I said. He decided that in his heart he wanted to forgive her, but she had never said she was sorry that she hurt him or even asked him for forgiveness. It was as if she only felt sorry that HE was upset—not sorry for what SHE actually did. She really didn’t seem to feel any remorse for the way she’d treated him OR her girlfriend (who was still unaware of everything going on). When he confronted her, she told him that she couldn’t do what he was asking because she just didn’t feel the way he wanted her to. So he employed my second piece of advice: he told her that he was taking a step back from the situation and that he didn’t want to talk to her or spend time with her for a while.

While he is still taking things one day at a time, he said that he feels relieved that they are no longer trying to be friends. He doesn’t want to be on that rollercoaster of emotions anymore. We talked about the fact that he told her the truth about how he felt and what he wanted from her, but in the end he could only control his own actions. Since she wasn’t willing to meet him halfway, he needed to be the bigger person and let their relationship go. He now understands that forgiving her is what’s best for him and so he is able to go on.

The one simple question tactic doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships. I’ve used it with friends and even family members. It is vital to look inside yourself and really figure out the root of your pain. Answering this question often allows you to see the root by identifying the remedy or solution. If the solution is unrealistic, then you need to distance yourself from the person or situation that hurt you. Unfortunately, people are often not willing to change or admit that they did something wrong. You can’t control what they do, but you CAN control what you do. By focusing on that, you can choose to move forward. Chances are there are already people and situations in your life ready to fill the void that is created when you leave the negative behind.

So, the next time you’re faced with a betrayal ask yourself the question, What will it take to make this right for me? Listen to the answer and then determine the best way to make it happen. With an open heart and a willingness to do what may not be easy, it works every time.

By Lauren Raines & Diathe Garnes for Uplifting Woman






Image courtesy of  [Nenetus] at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Diathe Garnes- The Uplifting Woman
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Blocks to Your Happiness Part 1: Refusal to Forgive

Stressed Woman-Unforgiveness

Hopefully, you have already read the introduction to my discussion on how our bodies often give us warning signs that there is a spiritual, emotional or psychological block that may be affecting us. If not, click the purple link to check out the intro article, Find Personal and Professional Peace by Identifying Your Bodies Warning Signals of Blocks Affecting Your Happiness.

Refusal to forgive. I love talking about forgiveness because I know first hand the dangers of a refusal to forgive and want to help as many people as possible avoid them. I used to be really good at not forgiving and therefore, for a long time I remained stuck in a position where insurmountable blocks kept me from living the life that I wanted. Choosing not to forgive comes with many negative side effects and stressors that we should all want to avoid. But, what exactly does it mean to forgive? Many people don’t understand it let alone really understand how to do it.

“Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness” (Forgiveness Definition, 2015). Forgiveness isn’t some magical thing that happens simply because we say the words, “I forgive you”. Unlike many would lead you to believe, a willingness to forgive doesn’t make us automatically forget what happened either. Forgiveness is a conscious choice that we make to simply let go of negative feelings and emotions and open a door for new ones to enter into that space in regards to a person or group of people.

Just like it’s important to understand what forgiveness is, it’s also important to understand what it’s not. How many times have you had someone whom you have forgiven, do a whole new thing to hurt you yet again? When you call them out on the new thing, they accuse you of not having forgiven them for the first thing. It’s actually quite laughably really but many of us fall for it. “You haven’t truly forgiven me if you haven’t forgotten it” they say. They may even accuse you of being a hypocrite and question your values and morals as a person, which can cause you to be even more confused about forgiveness. Well, this is a form of manipulation on their part and once you truly understand forgiveness you will never fall for it again. You may choose to forgive the same person over and over again but it doesn’t mean that you are to excuse or downplay the next offense. Forgiveness also does not mean that you have to continue on with this person in your life at all. Regardless of how hard they try to convince you that your walking away means that you have not forgiven them, some people are just not meant to be in your life especially if they are not willing to do better and be better themselves. Remember, most people who go around constantly hurting others are masters at manipulation and keeping a person like this in your life will constantly bring you pain.

How Refusal to Forgive Hurts You

When you don’t forgive, it causes all kinds of turmoil in your life that can lead to many blocks to your happiness and success. There are physical, spiritual, emotional, and social warning signals that your body gives to let you know that you are dealing with unforgiveness. Many people suffer from high blood pressure (of course there are many other factors for this disease), loss of faith in God and people, sadness or depression and multiple broken relationships all because of a refusal to forgive. Other warning signals are being angry all the time for unknown reasons, feeling like the world is against you and isolating  yourself from friends and family. If you see the signs that unforgiveness is blocking your blessings and your peace, take action now before it’s too late! Most of us were not taught how to forgive but not only does God say that it’s possible to live the life of a forgiver, but He says that we should do it and I believe that He gives us the strength to walk in forgiveness each day. Trust me, I know that forgiving isn’t always easy, but many of the victims of unforgiveness often turn to substance abuse and other harmful habits to deal with the side effects. So, at least making an attempt at forgiving is so much easier than allowing your symptoms to take you down a dark road. Forgiveness is like many other things in life, the more you do it, the easier it gets.


Reference of quote

Forgiveness Definition. (2015). Retrieved from http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition

Image courtesy of (stockimages) at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Diathe Garnes- The Uplifting Woman
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Making Long-Distance Relationships Work

ID-100267413Anyone who has ever loved probably learned the hard way that all relationships take work. This is especially true in a long distance relationship. I know a little…well, a lot about long distance relationships. See, I am in kind of an extreme long-distance relationship. My husband and I got married in December 2013. We were supposed to move to Spain together after he got stationed there for his next tour of duty (he’s an officer in the Navy). He deployed in February 2014 with his ship, but due to scheduling conflicts with the Navy, I didn’t get to Spain until the end of March that year. Then, because of some obscure rule and botched paperwork, we discovered that I wasn’t able to stay in Spain longer than 90 days. Long story short, after my trip to Spain, he was able to come visit me for 10 days in August 2014, and I haven’t seen him since. : ( I won’t see him again until July of 2015…hopefully.

Obviously, my situation is not typical, but many people find themselves wondering if a long-distance relationship is really worth it or wondering how to make them work. Trust me: if you love someone and truly believe they are your soul mate, you can get through a period of doing things long-distance. Here are a few things my husband and I do that have worked pretty well so far at keeping our love alive while we are apart:

  1. We focus on the future when we can be together. Yes, it sucks that it’ll be another X number of days/weeks/months until we can actually hug each other (among other things), but instead of dwelling on something we can’t change, we talk about all the things we want to do once we’re together. We’re planning trips, places to go together, what kind of house we want to live in, where he’s going to ask for his next duty station to be, etc. Planning our future together helps us keep things in perspective. I know I will see him before 2015 is over. We will have the rest of our lives to be together, so we can definitely get through this year.
  2. We try to communicate in at least some fashion everyday. He has T-Mobile, which means he can text internationally most of the time. We also use Skype when our schedules match up. Then there are Facebook messages and posts. Email is another thing we rely on when he’s deployed. Basically, where there’s a will, there’s a way. Many times his schedule prevents him from responding to my messages right away, but I know they brighten his day. We send mini love notes to each other periodically, reminding each other of qualities we admire in each other, why we love each other, etc. It takes work, but all important things do.
  3. We have separate lives, but we bring them together when we talk. I tell him about stuff that I’m doing (like my new job, classes I’m taking, my latest exercise routine, what my family’s up to, etc.) and he tells me what he’s doing (on his ship, with his roommates, places he’s visited, etc.). We take an active interest in what the other is doing. We also keep up with current events and pop culture stuff to talk about. We don’t always have the same views, so we can usually get a good discussion going. We try to watch the same shows/movies on Netflix and talk about our opinions, too. Not every conversation has to be all “I love you”/”I miss you”/”I’m so lonely”! That gets old! Be sad about being apart, but move on!
  4. We are always, ALWAYS honest with each other. I’ll admit that I get insecure sometimes about the strength of our relationship. What if he meets someone else that he’s attracted to? What if we grow too far apart? It really helps to talk about our feelings. He gets scared too. It brings us closer because we can remind each other how much we love each other and are committed to making this work. We also don’t replace each other. It’s not a good thing to replace your significant other with a “best friend” of the same gender/sexual orientation. If I had a male best friend I was sharing everything with because talking to my husband is sporadic a lot of the time, eventually I’ll be spending more time with this guy just because it’s easier. It’s a slippery slope, so be careful. Having friends is fine, but your significant other should always be your best friend because they are the person you love the most. If you don’t feel this way, maybe you should break up? Also avoid bad situations, like getting blackout drunk or grinding with random people at the club. Drinking to forget how much you miss your significant other will NOT make you feel better and could lead to you doing something you’ll regret.

I could go on and on about long-distance relationships, but this will get you started. Whether your significant other lives in the next town, across the country, or in another country, communication, being able to enjoy your life by yourself, and being honest with each other no matter what will help you get through your time apart.

Below are some articles with additional tips. I don’t agree with everything, but you can always choose the tips that fit your relationship. Please share if you have any other ideas!



http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/102_dating_girl.html (this one is more geared towards men, but still has a lot of valid points)




Lauren Raines











Image courtesy of [Stuart Miles]/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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15 Quotes to Help You Embrace Your Place if You’re Still Single

ID-100128227Whenever there is a new beginning, a special occasion or holiday, singles can be affected by the stigma of their status. How many times have you heard someone say one of the following, “I don’t want to be single on Christmas/New Year/Valentine’s Day/the beginning of Summer, etc?” The list could go on and the time of the year really doesn’t matter.

The truth of the matter is that if you are single right now, you should embrace this time. Each phase of life is meant to teach us lessons and allow us to grow enough to be ready for the next phase. Some phases have to be repeated because we miss some important lesson or fail to grow. Many times the root cause of this is because we are too busy trying to move on to the next stage because we only see our current place as one resulting from failure or lack. Instead, we should embrace each phase of our lives, even if it means we are nursing a broken heart or getting to know ourselves or our creator more. We should learn to grow in this moment, even when our Facebook status remains at single.

Here are 10 quotes to help you embrace where you are if you were single in 2014 with no prospects for 2015. Your time as a single really is the best time to get to know you and to prepare for THE ONE.

1. My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude. Warsan Shire

2.When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings. Elizabeth Gilbert

3. I like being single, I’m always there when I need me. Art Leo

4. Discover why you’re important, then refuse to settle for anyone who doesn’t completely agree. Fisher Amelie

5. I don’t like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone. Delta Burke

6. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. Elizabeth Gilbert

7. Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand. Anonymous

8. One of the greatest advantages of singleness is the potential for greater focus on Christ and accomplishing work for Him. Elizabeth George

9. Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out. Mandy Hale

10. Next time you hit a speed bump otherwise known as the age-old question “Why are you still single?” look ’em in the eye and say: “Because I’m too fabulous to settle. Mandy Hale

11.Think about it this way: While being married is about becoming the WIFE you are meant to be, being single allows you to focus on becoming the WOMAN you were born to be. Mandy Hale

12. Being single isn’t bad. What is bad is giving up hope on finding that someone special. Author Unknown

13.  A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her. Maya Angelou

14. Why waste your time crying for a man who left you when the one who God intended for you may only recognize you by your smile. Diathe Garnes

15. Being single doesn’t mean you know nothing about love. Sometimes being solo is wiser than being in a false relationship. Author Unknown





Image courtesy of [photokanok] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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5 Ways to Know if You’re Terrified of a Good Man

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Being afraid of a good man is a ludicrous idea right? But, crazy or not, many women are afraid to commit to a genuinely good man. This couldn’t be you…could it? Well, here are 5 signs that will let you know if it is. As if you didn’t know already.

Sign 1- You constantly tell yourself that there are no good men out there: The reason you do this is because it gives you an excuse not to keep hoping and believing that there are good men left in this world. More over, you can let go of the thought that there is a man who was created just for you. Although this should be a comforting thought, every time you meet someone who turns out to clearly not have been made for you, or any one else for that matter, you get disappointed and it hurts. So, if you tell yourself that there are no good men, you avoid the disappointment and pain all together. I know that telling yourself this lie makes you feel better, but it’s time to let it go and open your heart to the truth that there are good men out there and there is one just for you.

Sign 2- You make being independent a significant part of your identity and couldn’t imagine you without that identity: There is a bit of pride that comes with the knowledge that everyone knows that you can take care of yourself; and, if they don’t know it, you don’t mind telling them. God forbid it if you ever actually depended on a man. That thought actually makes you shutter and put on your ugly face. Well, unfortunately, this is a sign that you are scared to death of a good man. There is nothing wrong with being able to take care of yourself. Many of us have had to do it for a long time. But, don’t be so tied to that idea that it begins to define who you are. There is no room in a good relationship for two independent people. So, which do you want more, your independence, or your good man? You choose.

Sign 3- You get “bored” with relationships that seem easy or are drama free: So, the last guy that you dated didn’t get mad if you went out with your friends or didn’t call him after work at the right time everyday. He also didn’t go off if another man looked at you. He actually saw it as a compliment to you and to him. He was attentive and wanted to do things with you….But, you told yourself and everyone else that you were just not that into him. He bored you and you needed a little more excitement in your life. Hmmm, really? More than likely, the truth is that he didn’t bore you, but he scared you. You couldn’t believe that it was real and you wanted out before it all came crashing down around you and you got hurt…again. For some people going through drama in a relationship is so familiar to them that they actually begin to relate the drama to feelings of love. With thoughts, like he gets jealous because he loves me or he doesn’t care about me if he doesn’t get mad if another man shows me attention. In my opinion, there should be a new law that states that if you’re over the age of say, twenty one, then drama is illegal. Okay, maybe that’s going too far because half the people we know would be in jail (maybe we would even spend a few days in there ourselves). But seriously, we are in very trying times right now and we all should be over the need for drama. Think of it this way. The need for drama is like an abused person abusing someone else. You been put through it and now you think it’s the only way. Get over it, and position yourself so that your good man will find you and know that you are his good thing.

Sign 4- You don’t think you need to change or you’re too afraid to try: You are set in your ways and are afraid that a good man will require you to become a better woman. It’s true that we shouldn’t have to change for a relationship, but it’s also true that  we may need to and should be willing to in order to have the best relationship possible. Remember that change is growth and we have compromised and made changes for far less. As long as the good man in your life is willing to change in growth also and is asking you to make positive changes, remember that no one is perfect and we could all stand to change some things about ourselves. Don’t take it as an insult, but accept it as a challenge.

Sign 5- You worry about what other people think about the image of your significant other:  Even if you meet someone who you like, you second guess moving forward and getting to know him because he doesn’t fit the image of the men that people are used to seeing you with. There are many people who may say that he is beneath you or not your type, but remember that many of them will move forward with men who you may not have seen them with. And, there are plenty of stories of people who have advised other friends or family members not to date men simply because they had their eye on them for themselves. Just something to think about.  The bottom line is if the person is truly a good man, don’t let someone else talk you out of getting to know him. If they can, it’s only because your fear allows them to.









Image courtesy of:http://www.lilbabycakes.com/blog/top-reasons-women-fear-childbirth%E2%80%A6part-1/


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Dating Again, On Top of It All

woman on dateAre you single? Divorced? Widowed?  Is your life full of career, children, friends, church and just the usual everyday stuff?  Do you feel like you would really like to date, but cannot imagine where that will fit into your already hectic life?

Want to know how to get started?  Well, first, like most parts of our lives, you have to ask yourself what it is you want from dating.  Are you after a one time date for a special event?  A person to be friends with and go out on a date with occasionally or are you interested in dating someone with the goal of eventually entering into a relationship with that person? You have to know what you want from dating and go after that or you will never get what you want. Whatever your dating “goal” is, you still have to find the time and energy to make it happen. So, begin by taking baby steps.

The Before: Carve out a little time every day to prepare for dating.  Color the grey out of your hair.  Sit down in the salon long enough to get that mani/pedi you have been putting off. Make sure you have one casual and one dressy outfit ready to go. Clothes, shoes, handbag, lingerie (For your eyes only of course, but wearing it helps you feel confident and attractive), all of it.  Haven’t updated your makeup in ten years of more? A trip to ULTA.com or Sephora may be necessary. By carving out a little time to prepare for dating each day, you will begin to easily make time in your schedule for an actual date. Start with small blocks of time and build from there.

The Search: I won’t get too much into finding someone to date. Most of us who are not dating have options, we are just choosing not to take them. But, I will say that if you feel you have no options, start paying more attention to the people around you who are paying attention to you. Often when we are not interested in dating, we put a blinder over our eyes which allows us to ignore what would usually be obvious. Remove the blinders, pray for guidance in choosing a date and get out there!

The During: You carved out time in your schedule; you are dressed to impress and ready to go on your date.  The only steadfast rule is – be you.  You will find that if you will just be yourself, it will take a lot of the nervousness out of the date itself.  Be true to yourself and be open to allowing your date to be himself.

The After: Always say thank you and be polite, even if the night didn’t go as you had hoped. Don’t get discouraged but also, don’t go on a dating binge either. Allow yourself some time to think about each person you met and how you interacted with them. If things went well, don’t rush. Remember that fools rush in. Take your time and enjoy the ride.

By Emmie Graham

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What is the Right Way to End a Friendship?

women-arguing 2It’s unfortunate but true- sometimes even the best of friendships fail. Friends move away, interests change, misunderstandings occur, betrayals happen, new friends are made and people simply “grow apart.”  These are just a few of the reasons that good friendships may fall by the wayside. So, what is the best way to handle the end of a friendship?

The most important thing to do is to think long and hard about how to handle the situation before making any emotional choices. Maybe scheduling hang out time with a friend who you have lost touch with is the answer to rekindling the relationship. If your friend lives far away, maybe taking turns visiting each other once per year as your finances permits is the key. Maybe a heartfelt conversation is all that needs to take place if there has been a misunderstanding in a friendship. If a friendship is currently bringing negativity to your life, maybe simply taking a step back from the relationship instead of ending it is best. If a friend has betrayed you, walking away without looking back may be a reasonable choice. Every situation is different and may call for a different action.

Many times, pulling away from the relationship will also mean that changes will occur that can make things even worse. For instance, taking a step back means that your friend may no longer be privy to the privileged information that you used to share with them. This can cause animosity and anger, especially if your plans of not proceeding as usual in the friendship are not discussed before you do it. Changing patterns in the friendship can also make things worse. For instance, say you feel that a long time friend’s negativity is wearing you down and you want to subtly end the friendship over time. Your soon to be ex friend is accustomed to you taking her out to dinner for her birthday every year, but in your efforts to end the relationship you decide to only send her a Happy Birthday text message this year. With out question, this will probably result in her becoming confused and angry because of you breaking the tradition with no discussion beforehand. Thus, an already bad situation is made worse.

Still, the subtle approach of trying to pull away from the relationship over time seems to be a common way to say goodbye to a friendship for many. Janice Edwards, of Richmond Virginia has had her share of friendship “breakups” over the years. Janice believes that the subtle approach is best because it prevents feelings from being hurt and leaves room for possible reconnection later when the situation or the people have changed. “Don’t say things you don’t need to say. If you can avoid hurting someone’s feelings do it!

Whether the end of a friendship happens on purpose or naturally as the parties grow up and change, the most important thing to remember is that this person is someone who you care for and who cares for you. Ending a friendship should always be handled as a delicate matter and with love and kindness. So, the answer to the question posed by this article, is that there is no one right way. But, if we ever find ourselves in this situation, (again) maybe this should be our new first rule of thumb- DM LK…Delicate Matter, Love & Kindness.














Image courtesy of http://www.goodenoughmother.com/2010/11/ask-rene-best-friend-bust-up/women-arguing/